I’m in a funk, a slump. I can’t shake this feeling that’s been taking over me for weeks now. Obviously, it has something to do with me being currently unemployed. It’s got to be, right? I hope so. Nothing to do, nothing to wake up for. I’m allowed to sleep in all day/afternoon — great right? Not for usually productive me! This has been torture!
My daily routine for the past 3 weeks can be summed up as waking up, reading (paragraphs if that and not books or even pages), cleaning and sleeping. Throw in applying for jobs, updating my facebook status and tweeting and there you have it.
It’s too cold to go outside for a walk or enjoy the outdoors. Even getting necessities like food and water are a chore when it’s 9°F outside. Plus, no job = no $ = no disposable income = no retail therapy. Sigh.
“Bored” does not even come close to how I feel during the hours of 9am-6pm (when Jeff’s at work). I’ve lost interest in watching tv, cooking and wedding planning, etc. All of these things I used to enjoy now seem more like a hassle. I sit in bed and get caught up in just…being here.
My thoughts are a mile a minute, but there’s nothing specifically I think about. I’ll start a magazine or a book then put it down a few pages into it. My short attention span’s been getting the best of me. My mind’s energized yet my body’s fatigued, I’m motivated yet unmotivated at the same time— its a such a difficult thing to accurately describe. All I know is this feeling’s not welcomed anymore.
I’ve tried to work it out using the elliptical machine, practicing yoga and meditating — nothing’s worked. I think I’m suffering from the “winter blahs,” aka Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
It’s only moving to the east coast that I’ve truly experienced different seasons of the year. Growing up in southern California it’s sunny year round so even if I was predisposed to SAD, it wouldn’t affect me because of the minimal differences between the seasons.
I don’t remember feeling this down last year, but there are many reasons for that. Starting with the fact that it was my first white winter, excited? Oh yeah! Second, I was coming off of the high I was experiencing of moving cross-country with Jeff. Third, new place so many things to see and do! And so on. I was perpetually distracted so much so the winter blues had no effect on me. But I guess this year’s different.